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Sealed; Cheng ♥
STC.CJC.

HeartStrings


Nov 08'
Dec 08'
Jan 09'
Feb 09'
March 09'





Sunday, July 20, 2008 ♥

Find those words for you.





I...

Feelings keep getting turned over & over for the same one.
I underestimated it.
How much it means to me.

How much.
Still.



I should srsly consider stop screwing with life. Damn it.


My eyes hurt so much it keeps bluring.
I'm mentally tired to the core right about now.


Q: so what you need now is to give it a try.
C: no. not now. not yet.


Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something, somewhere, better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong but nothing's, turned out how you want it.


I guess i never wanted to lose much of you.


Cheng
1:00 PM


Sunday, July 13, 2008 ♥

Hold / Held


You know sometimes when you hear a song for the first time ever & you feel like it speaks to you? I'm listening to one of those now.
& as usual, it's gonna be the repeat song on my phone.

Today's horoscope says:
You are starting a contemplative phase of life right now, but you don't have to worry that it will negatively affect your social life. Luckily, one or two of your closest friends are also feeling moody and homebound -- but they certainly wouldn't mind having some company. So get together with them soon and just start talking. It doesn't much matter what you talk about -- politics, music, celebrities, food. All that really matters is that all of you are feeling in synch with each other.

Quite true. Hello moody friends, who are you? Owe up, & text me.


Maybe moody isn't the word. It's more like a mixture of feelings. Difficulties that makes it feel like i can't breath. Feelings that don't go away; that i must hide but i can't. I can't discribe the bitterness cos i'm not supposed to feel it but i do; cos i'm not supposed to care but i can't just leave it. Reassurance i repeat silently to make it feel a little better. Distractions directing attention away. Tears with rain.

I went downstairs for a little walk just now & settled down at the playground. The weather was nice. Windy & cold. I'd hate it on normal days. I listened to this current song now & turned repeat on. I stared at the people playing tennis. I'm not sure what i was thinking of but the peaceful feeling gave me a little bit of space. Sometimes i wonder, could things have possibly been different. Could it have been more worth it.
How much love could i have possibly gave.?

Or maybe i'm just really tired. Contemplative phase. Guess i should get some sleep.

Oh. Before i forget, Happy Birthday Maggie. (: Love you. ♥

Goodnight & goodbye.


Cheng
1:00 PM